Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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