i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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