i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
