you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
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