This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
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All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
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The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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