I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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