apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
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I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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