did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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