cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize