Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
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I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
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Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I enjoy the company of your penis
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