Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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