Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Barsexuality is the new black.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
