One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
