Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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