please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
