I puked a lego.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
