Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
