i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
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You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
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Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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