My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
