My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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