Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
