New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize