Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize