she smelled like a LAN party
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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