So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
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You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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