She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
