did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
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I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
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You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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