we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
