I'm really into asian looking animals
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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