I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
