I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
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Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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