i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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