Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
