Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
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