how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
