mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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