We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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