I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
