Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
