I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
