neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
