i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
