True but thats because hes a fetus.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
