If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I need a burrito and a hug.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
