I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
