I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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