I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
