The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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