how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
