just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize