Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
