Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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