You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
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he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
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Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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