onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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