i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
