Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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