I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
