I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
