I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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