I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
