please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
