Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
