Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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